a hankering.

It's time.

Time for new aspirations, a page is turning.

In moments like these, I can't help but sit in silence. Allowing my mind to replay all of my life experiences can be sobering, humbling, but is also insightful and maturing.

While reminiscing is important, I can feel my heart preparing for a new season. I'm done mourning the loss of so many dreams and lost ideas. They're dimming in the background whilst things new and exciting begin to take form in my headlights. God has a plan, and as long as I trust in His sovereignty, I'm at peace. I'm at peace with the loneliness, raising a radiant daughter on my own, juggling career paths, aesthetic dreams, and responsibilities.

For so long I was afraid my "life circumstance" would hold me back, and handicap me from pursuing what I've always been nutso passionate about. Truthfully, it's just taken me a good while to discover how all of that CAN be accomplished with self discipline and forethought.

These are the things I've been ruminating on:

I have an overflowing passion for people that can't be contained. More specifically, the destitute, and even more specifically: single moms and hurting women. In some way, I feel like God is calling me to invest myself in this social genre. Of course I've dreamt of building a safe house for single moms to rehabilitate during pregnancy, but I also know that this is a lofty dream, and God's plan is much more beautiful than my own. I trust that He knows what He's doing.

I have always dreamt of writing a book. It's high time I invested myself in the written word more often again, and gradually worked towards that goal.

There is nothing that speaks to me in the same intimate way as music, and I know that passion is there for a reason. I've had millions of avant-garde ideas floating around lyrically and melodically for two years now, and it's high time I applied and invested it. I desperately want to portray an image of hope amongst life's pain in a musical form.

I also want to invest myself in becoming gradually more and more self reliant. Gardening, crafting, sewing, all wonderful avenues of productivity and a healthy way of life. I genuinely want to raise Eloise with the realization that the American materialistic mindset is far less superior than the soil we walk on. Natural beauty is where it's at. Oh, I could go on.

Yes, I could ramble for hours. My mind is spinning, and I feel like God has yet again blessed me with a clean slate and a yearning desire to make amends and start fresh. Now that I've become more acclimated to my position at work, I'm ready to begin taking on new goals.

Enough is enough! For now, shalom.