worth it.

in the words of Sara Jaffe...

Ain't nobody's girl.. I ain't nobody's man..

I know it aint easy.. but I'm trying.

i'm so tired of being alone..

and yet i fear intimacy like agonizing death.

when do you know it's worth the risk?

when do you know the odds are on your side?

when do you become willing to face the fate of pain..

for a few brief moments of serenity and deceptive "companionship"?

no matter what.. in the end, we all die alone.

loneliness. such a bitter pill.

and yet the chance of love? it's permeating beauty?

i can't help but believe it's worth all the restless nights..

all the tears and broken hearts.

all for those rare moments when my breath is stolen, and time stands still.

hope.

i'm so tired of hypocrisy. of people claiming one thing, and doing another.

of empty words. of shallow commitment. of absent follow-through. 

i'd like to claim that i'm somewhat of a dependable person. 

i hope that those surrounding me know that they can run to me with anything, at anytime, anywhere.

i hope that i actively live out the things that i claim to be passionate about...

grace.. compassion.. unconditional love.. forgiveness.. humility.

i hope that i never allow my mishaps to embitter me to the point of apathy.

i long to live a full life. one overflowing with a sacrificial love that is unabashed and unashamed.

i long to be genuine. honest. someone you can trust to be who they act and say they are.

i hope that i never build a wall of mistrust and fear. 

i hope i never have expectations of "proving you're worth the effort" in my friendships.

i hope i give, without the preconceived understanding that i'll get something in return.

i hope i never become arrogant about any success i achieve. 

i have seen pride annihilate far too many beautiful souls.

i hope i am always conscientious of the people around me, and that i'm always looking out for their betterment.

i hope my growth never ceases.  

i hope i never think i am "beyond" new knowledge. but always aching and thirsting for more.

i hope i am able to pursue every passion. and i hope that my passions, my artistry, can encourage and uplift the hurting.

i hope i am a dependable friend. a loyal sister. a commendable daughter. an affectionate and devoted lover. an enjoyable, uplifting stranger. a charming new acquaintance.

i hope that i never fear depth. 

i hope that i always embrace simplicity.

i hope that i always strive to be content, in all circumstances. that i find joy in the worst stages of life.

i hope i can embrace, and learn from every phase of suffering.

i hope i can bring hope to the lost, comfort to the hurting, joy to the oppressed, and wisdom to the searching.

i hope, that i never stop hoping. that i never stop living. but most importantly?

that i never stop loving.

fire.

new inspirations?

marissa nadler.

her melodies are so eloquent..

and her melodies drift me away to another place in time completely.

"tomorrow i'm gunna leave a little bird on your grave, 

and say a little prayer for you, my friend.

.. you've been dead for a couple of months

damn i've been thinking you're still here, my friend.

and i still have your songs in my head

and you're face ingrained into the glass of me

tomorrow i'm gunna leave a bird on your grave.

and say a little prayer for thee."

recently i can't seem to get out of a mode.. a mood, per say.

a mood of mourning, for those once loved, and now lost.

lost not to death, but to the passing of time, and the changing of seasons.

change... possibly the most "consistent" of all aspects of life.

and one i have a fist fight with every day.

"this one goes out to the one i love.

this one goes out to the one i left behind.

a simple thought to occupy my mind

this one goes out to the one i love.

fire.

fire.

this one goes out to the one i love.

this one goes out to the one i left behind.

a simple prop to occupy my time

this one goes out to the one i love.

fire.

fire.

fire.

fire."

untitled

no one's perfect.

unfortunately, everyone will let you down some time or other.