an old poetic journal entry.

the colors of my petals fading.. and a few already beginning to fall..

awaken my senses to reality..-

my life is but a vanishing mist.. a flash of lightning.. a passing wind..

a dissolving snowflake, aching to make a difference, to leave a memory.

who knows the table of time, when the last piece of presence will whither away.

live, serve, and love now.

time passes within the blinking of an eye.

spinning

there's a dynamic duo of exhaustion and stress that's causing my head to spin of late.

aside from the intensity of school..

my mind has been playing games. a constant query i have with myself is thinking 'too much'. and when delirious, i go nuts! there's no funnel of common sense to control and direct my thoughts.

topics that are currently fresh?

- this monopoly called life. to do, say, think. live. what does living truly consist of?

- one word. relationships.

- adulthood is on the move. a more intelligent, 'mature' perspective on life is overwhelming and draining. i miss the naivety and oblivion of adolescence. 

current source of inspiration?

angela mccluskey's work for telepopmusik.

her tone quality sends shivers down my spine.

jazzy, delicate, and overwhelmingly unique.

i've been really driven to create more of an electronica feel to my music lately.. a lot of synth and ambience.

i absolutely can't WAIT to have free time this winter break so i can just let my creative juices floww and see what happens.

it's like splattering paint all over a canvas, and crossing your fingers it'll come out mesmerizing.

i just want to let loose and experiment.

ironically, i've gotten to the point to where i don't even really care if people like it or not, as long as i'm able to completely express myself.

writing and playing music is like my safe haven. and not having time for it is killing me!

christmas break, you can't come fast enough!

a season of change..

i celebrated this new season with a lovely bundle of yellow blossoms..

and an over abundance of cinnamon spice candles.

current musical inspirations:

deer in the headlights new album "drunk like bible times"

is officially on repeat.

i can't seem to get enough.

other current delights? 

late nights spent staring at the open sky and dancing with words in conversations consisting of.. dreams.. hopes.. life.

i have been overwhelmingly blessed recently and i don't know how or why.

a huge weight has been lifted that i've been battling for quite some time..

and a huge sigh of relief is in order =).

i am so thankful. for everything that's going on right now..

and for everyone who's playing a part.

this life we live can really be a beautiful concoction, if we let it be.

'let it be' has been playing over and over in my head recently.

thank you, God.

for the good, and the bad.

for the radiant colors, both dark and light.

i am at peace.

"Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must."

days like these i just long to be wandering through a forest of trees.

i so often loose track of what's important-

beautiful simplicity.

i miss having silence-

long afternoons with nothing but good books

and inspirational conversation.

life's "busy-ness" is swallowing me whole.

my taunting list of things that need to be done

dangles in the back of my mind and spoils 

even some of the most beautiful moments.

i could pull a cliche and say

"hey, christmas break is only a month away!"

but really? life is too short to base your life on material

deadlines.

we should be able to embrace life's beauty

at all times of the year.

not just when we're free from our professors rage.

ps?

i miss the wilderness.

some days i really do just get tired of civilization.

i long to just go find a delicious patch of grass

and stare at the sky.

life takes on a whole new meaning when we're not obsessing over meticulous details.

ah, but to just sit back...

and live.

whitman. he has something.

i've never found something that so accurately depicted my outlook on life. 

beast of a man

listening to rehearsals for departure by damien jurado..

some days are easier than others.

today's going to be a hard one.

god, help me.

nostalgia. you beast of a man.

narcissistic?

It's so easy to become narcissistic in this society. 

But life is so much more meaningful and fulfilling when we aren't living solely for ourselves.

I've been reminded, and humbled by this fact, more and more recently.

I have such a desire to just genuinely love on people. 

"Let love be genuine.. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:9-12