why change the past?

go forward, that's where all the adventures are.

we forget the past naturally.

but the future is the unknown..

and that's exciting.

bullet point thoughts.

1) I don't know if my tummy can get any bigger.. it's hurting all the time, with darling daily doses of contractions. Every day is a new surprise! And I swear, pregnancy has got to be the biggest out of body experience. I never knew, and never tried to imagine what it was like to literally *grow* and *evolve* a child within me. 

2) I met with my midwives yesterday.. and it's getting to be that time. You know, the pack your bags, plan your "visitors chart", and brace yourself -- time. They make me giggle.. I'm determined to make this labor something entirely special.. hot tubs, candles, incense, arvo part, you name it. we'll see! it's all in the works.

3) I am done done done done done done done. I am so ready to have my body back-- no lie. I have a feeling this last month is going to be a batttttttttle. I can already feel my emotions changing, my body changing, my surroundings changing, haha even my INSIDES changing! 

Some days I am so capable of giggling, laughing, and making light of the whole situation. Tonight? Realistically? I am begggging God for strength. And I empathize with the Psalmist, when he wails in pain and yet proclaims God's grace and sovereignty. In my head, and in my heart-- i know this will all work out.. and that it will be a blessing that greatly effects and encourages many. It's my emotions, my 'feelings', my fabulous hormones, that like to make me think otherwise. Wisdom is found not in the senses; not in how we experience things-- but rather through Biblical truth and a desire to glorify Christ in the end. I pray I can maintain focus. That I can grow and mature this beautiful little hippie girl to embrace both the beauty of grace, compassion, and love, as well as wisdom, self control, and discipline. That she will fall in love with simplicity, humility, and a sacrificial love for others. That she will know the difference between the mundane, and the important things in life. 

I don't want to raise my child as an American child. I want to raise her with a perspective that looks far beyond finding identity in material things. 

Just a few thoughts. My stomach is contracting again so I'm going to go lay down.