fur alina

its moments like these when memories themselves stand still in my memory.

when the images in my past are icicles in time..

such radiant beauty as the light compliments their features..

chiseled and ingrained in my existence.

forever past. and yet forever presently replaying themselves..

like silent short films..

fur alina by arvo part.

who was that girl roaming in my memory,

who claimed my name?

who carried the same silhouette.

who is she now?.. and who am I.

have i meandered so far from my roots, i've lost my grounding.

have i flown too high, i've forgotten the touch of land against my toes.

am i dreaming? is this real?

what is real.

what is memory.

what is past, and what is present.

tears pierce through the veiled lids.

they dance their way down a face..

a face that's searching for an answer to this blissful sorrow.

god, who am i.

who was i.

and what is am, was, 'to be'?

am i the only one plagued by the simplicity of existence..

and what this all means.

a little find

New Treasure? A classic vintage Nipon Coature jacket

With precious little brass buttons..

Paired with some little booties and i'm set.

Haha, I received the "80's New Wave" appeal today.

Oh geez.

greens.

it's one of those days.

i just yearn for a lush field and nothing else.

to disappear amongst the vibrant colors and just 'be'.

nothing brings peace like nature.

we spoke today in anthropology about "hunters and gatherers"..

how, if so many ancestors were so happy and content living amongst and 

'with' nature, can we find satisfaction in being surrounded by..

plastics.. isolated buildings.. 

the most interaction with nature most people experience is..

pictures they happen upon on the internet.

geez.

take me back to the days.

yes, those days.

i long to be self reliant..

to become more minimalist.

where to even begin?

oh. side note?

i miss.

i miss my dear beloved friends.

i long to just explode all over the nation and see those faces.

chicago.

san diego.

nashville.

burleson.

and even fort worth. (it's only been two days.)

many random thoughts have been plaguing my mind. 

more soon.

geez lah weez.

i feel silly, but it's just been one of those days.

and i had to take it out on the nails.

blood red. how intelligent and mature of me, eh?

a stone.

An Accidental Memory In The Case of Death.

a title that penetrates.

and an album that speaks without words.

if i could but pay money for the chance to verbalize my thoughts right now.

if i could.. communicate.

if my thoughts could pierce through my brain into the heart of reality for but a moment, for translation. for empathy. for understanding.

sometimes i feel like a living, breathing stone. stubborn.. unaffected.. untouchable.

a diamond in the rough, per say. and mostly rough.

so many eyes are caught by the sparkle.. but boy, there's a multitude of deceptive sharp edges, lingering around each and every corner. 

Band of the day: Okkervil River. Tracks: A Stone, and So Come Back, I'm Waiting.

lyrics:

a black sheep boy dissolves in hot cream, in sweet moans,

in each dead bed and empty home, in each seething bacterium.

killing softly and serial, he lifts his head, handsome, horned, magisterial.

he's the smell of the moonlight wisteria.

he's the thrill of the abecedarian. 

(see the muddy hoofprints where he carried you?)